Moonlit Walks and Facing the Unknown

Apologies, apologies for the absence of blogging, but wedding plans and Christmas holidays with family will always take precedence!

The Newlyweds on frozen Willow Lake, with Denali Photobombing

     I'm trying to get back into it, but recent events and being out of the habit have created a sort of "blogger's block," I guess.  And I tend to "run off at the keyboard," so to speak, writing on ad nauseum.  So I've been trying to think about how to curb that tendency...as you can see, it isn't really working.

     I've started this first blog of the New Year a total of five times.  Each time, I've gotten about half way finished, many complete with pictures, and just stopped.  None of them were "quite right." This one may be no different, but it will be considerably shorter than any of the others. We all start projects with the best of intentions, and then lose the instructions (don't want to use the instructions), it doesn't "feel, sound, look, taste, or smell right" or we simply just get sidetracked by life in general.  I'm sure many of you get that, too.

     I don't know where I am on that gamut, but I did have an epiphany this morning that seemed share worthy at the time...so that's how I'm jumping back into blogging!  To fully comprehend the share-worthiness, there is a bit of back story.  Many of you know that I have always been a bit of a ... what's the right word... a fraidey cat.  Yes, that's definitely it...a fraidey cat.  Even when I was little, I was always excited about moving to a new home, helping set up my new bedroom, making new friends, and exploring in general. That is, until night fell.  The darkness seemed to awaken every horrible imagination I could create, and I have no doubt that my parents' mattress bore a permanent divot from my sneaking into their space in the middle of many nights.  I also recall (and I can't even say vaguely because the memory is burned into my skull) stalking all areas of a new property with my Dad and his flashlight as he "proved" to me there was no such thing as ghosts, goblins, 'haints, and boogey men.  Goblins and boogey men I could handle, it was spiders, snakes, mice, and other unseen things that generally go "bump in the night" that curdled my blood.  Truthfully, in days gone by, if I were completely honest with myself, in a moment of sheer terror, I imagine I would have been that immovable statue -- you know...the one we all yell at on the movie screen -- "Run, Girl, run!"  The only difference is, I know better than to wear high heels!  So I'd be frozen there in my mukluks waiting to be devoured by whatever that thing was that made that horrible noise in the underbrush!

Moose in the Meadow

With that back story, flash forward to present day.  We are currently 4-5,000 miles away from our respective families, living independently in the back woods of Alaska.  And, as you may have read in previous blogs, we are not the biggest things on the food chain here.  You also know, I tend to speak more courage than I actually show -- boasting of wanting to ride moose and such! Now that I think about it, that's probably not courage...but I digress.

Each day begins with a special ritual that Ahtna and I have developed.  I am an early riser, by nature; and regrettably, I have passed that trait on to the four-legged member of our family.  So each morning, in the "uber darkness," we rise.  Usually I hear her stir first, then I get up and make a small pot of coffee.  I get her food dish and together we make our way to the mudroom so I can "gear up" to face the first quick, cold breaths of our Alaskan winter mornings.  Donned in bunny boots (that aren't made from real bunnies), gloves, hat, and coat I grab the most important item of our early morning ritual -- one of Michael's police spotlight flashlights.  On clear evenings, I could land small aircraft in our backyard with that thing! But yesterday morning and this morning...it was not necessary.  The moon, in all its glory, lit up our yard and the surrounding yards like those pictures in The Night Before Christmas.  Earlier this week, the Northern Lights were dancing a beautiful green; but this morning they gave way to fog and clouds.  There's something completely overwhelming about standing quietly in the snow, sheltered by moonlight.

"When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; what is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?" Psalm 8:3-4  

There in the moonlight, I could hear the slow, deliberate breaths we inhaled and let escape. It was almost as if we were trying to hold our breaths so we could preserve the silence of the morning.  Then, in the shadows, I could see our breath swirl in front of our nostrils and mouths. Those noises and the crunching of our feet in the snow were the only sounds hanging in the air.  Light ice crystals fell from the sky, and the moon was literally hypnotizing.  Then, all at once, reality hit...I was alone, in the darkness, in the wilderness, with our dog.  Sure, I held the power of "instant" battery operated light in my hand, and the house was close by and offered "escape." Even though I was completely surrounded by moonlit woods, darkened houses, and the kind of scary quiet that is deafening, escape was not necessary because suddenly, I was not afraid.  In that scary, beautiful moment, I realized that the God of the universe loves me, cares for me, and "visits" me in places such as this -- most often when I least expect it.

He has been there all this time...in the dark, scary, unfamiliar places from my past and in any new, unknown ventures that await me. He knows what I'm feeling, when I'm feeling it, and why I'm feeling it. I'm not in as much control as I like to think I am.  But He is.  And because He is, my reasons for fearing are fading...just like the moon, with the rising of the sun.

Denali
View from Willow Lake, January 2016

May you have your own epiphany about His love for you -- amid whatever scary, unknown circumstances you face.  Wishing you well with all our hearts!

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee."
Psalm 56:3